Citing concern that children have an under-represented voice in the labor force, Dayton has promised that unionizing Minnesota's children will give them the protection they need as they navigate the difficult journey of growing up to become taxpayers.
Pro-union groups have described their perceived advantages to unionizing children. "Children need a voice, and the union will be that voice. They are often given low wages for work, forced to wear clothing they don't like, eat food they don't like, and they are disciplined without representation. They need protection against these egregious examples of how children are taken advantage of in our society," said an unidentified union representative.
"Our goal is that through the unionization of Minnesota children, they will now receive minimum wage for their chores and work done for neighbors and friends. They will no longer be at the mercy of the dictator parent who has the last word. They will have representation in all disputes. They will go unprotected no longer."
Dayton administration insiders say the unionization will be good for the economy. "Children already hold a large chunk of the disposable income in America. Paying them higher wages will only put more disposable income into their hands, allowing them to stimulate the economy by spending that money at malls and movie theaters."
When asked if the children's wages would be taxed, an administration official answered, "Only if they're rich."
A Republican insider disagreed with the plan, saying, "One of the big reasons they're doing this is to change the unemployment numbers. A kid gets a job mowing lawns--one job created. A teenager babysits for several families--each babysitting event would be counted as a new job created. This is ridiculous."
When asked if this action would even be legal, since minor children are unable to enter into contracts under current law, Dayton just stared blankly into space.
(For those with a sprained or absent sense of humor, the above article is a parody, or Al Franken's favorite word, "satire.")